Thursday, May 20, 2010

Wedded Wednesday on Thursday

Wedded Wednesday is a collaboration
of married bloggers sharing their inspirations,

anecdotes, struggles and thoughts regarding
the amazing union of two separate people, as one.

The question on Marital Bless for this Wedded Wednesday was.....
"Do you recognize rough patches and communicate through them with your spouse?"

I think in every marriage there are rough patches and it does not matter if you have been married for 3 months or for 30 years. I think Mr. J and I are able to communicate when we feel like we are not spending enough time together or if we really do not feel connected.  I think that Mr. J is able to do this more than me. I use more passive aggressive techniques that do not really get my point across but gets his attention and just makes more have to explain more when we do talk things out. I really do not do that often especially since I end up having to explain myself anyway. 

Mr. J and I had couples counseling several years before we have marital counseling.... because we hit a rough patch but we knew that we loved each other and wanted to be together. Some of the techniques that have help us are...
  • Do not blame. Take ownership of your part.
  • Listen and not just hear what the other person is saying. 
  • Ask questions if you do not understand.
  • Do not promise anything that you are not going to do. This is were compromise comes in. 
  • Write down what you want to say.   

It has changed the way that we communicate with each other, for the better. It has really helped when have felt that we have had a loss of connection, by allowing each of us to hear what the other one needs so that we can make the relationship better. On occassion, we have "what if" conversations to try to anticpate some of the issues coming up.

Another thing that has also assisted us with rough patchs is that we have scheduled times to talk to reconnect on a daily basis. Since we both work different shifts, we talk to each other on each of our lunch breaks.
I think that each couple has to figure out what works best for them to reconnect or work through a rough patch. What works for one couple will not always work for another. I just hope that couples that are having issues  or a rough patch have a foundation or some support to work from to assist them through it.


Faith said...

Great advice!


Dana said...