Monday Murmurings: New Normal

Over the last week and a half, I have had two deaths in my family, one being my father and other my brother-in-law. Both of these men had unique qualities and characteristics but the one thing that they had in common is that they both loved my little girl. I have had to learn quickly that explaining death to a five year old is not really that easy. My little one is very inquisitive in general, so I tried to figure out a way to say what occurred without saying "passing" or "sleeping". Heck, so I would not slip up I just had my husband explain it. It seemed to go a lot better. Maybe because I was so upset, I could not explain in. She still has been asking questions and working through things like she should. Helping her talk through it and been helpful for me to process things.

I have also learned that I have not been able to truly grieve  the last couple of weeks due to trying to care for my daughter. My husband has tried to help but at this time I just don't want to be bothered and just want to stay in my bed. My only little sunshine right now is my daughter. I think since I was so concerned abut how she was going to react that I could not take care of how I was going to react. She has been trying to cuddle and give me lots of hugs, rub my back or just wants to sit next to me, because I want to do is lay in my bed or on the couch and watch lots of mindless TV. I know in my mind that things will get better and back to my normal after awhile, but emotionally I am drained and confused.

As my daughter, continues to comfort me, I will try to continue to answer any questions that she has about the deaths. I hope that as I try to comfort her that it comforts me and allows me to move forward in my new normal.